It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains 'in love', the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage' ALONE.
Considering there are two people contributing to the overall health and wellbeing of a marriage, shouldn't both of you be present to actually try and save it? Or, worse, when it's his, her, their fault so shouldn't he, she, they be the ones to make amends? You're just the victim here, after all!
The first thing you must know is if you want to save your marriage and if you find yourself alone in this desire, waiting for the other spouse to make the first move is the beginning of the end. If you are looking for someone to blame or someone else to put the emotional and physical work into saving the marriage, again, it's going to fail.
The belief that the responsibility lies with the other person is a self-defeating attitude. It propagates the belief that there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to save your marriage and you should stand and watch what comes your way.
NOT true!
There is still something you CAN DO. Even in your loneliness and solitude, you CAN save your marriage.
How? Let's begin first by examining what it means to be on your own.
As human beings, we hate being alone. It's part of our genetic make up to be social creatures and develop connections with others, whether through friendships or romantic interest. The way we connect with others and the nature of how we interact with people is a fundamental aspect of personal and emotional development.
The paradox is that as we grow older in the love, trust, companionship and support of our significant others, we develop an internal strength of self that makes us whole, happy human beings. Ideally, the mature human person should have developed a strong sense of self-awareness, confidence and self-esteem as he or she reaches adulthood. These become the windows with which we view the world, flaws and all. These make up part of our personal shelter amidst challenges and difficulties. This is called SELF-ACTUALIZATION.
However, many of us enter into adult life without even being aware of this beautiful, human truth. We may have experienced abandonment in our childhood or been disappointed by our romantic relationships; whatever it is, it has caused to shift from proper mature development to fears of abandonment and the inability to see that we can stand on our own two feet.
Thus, many of us enter relationships and marriages with the hope, plan and dream that we would never be alone. We invest so much in our partners and loved ones, focusing our entire beings on them and relying on them to make us happy and secure. Unfortunately, this perspective carries with it its own poison. Subconsciously, we project the responsibility of our life happiness on the other person, eloquently sidestepping taking responsibility for our own life happiness and destiny.
Problems develop when a partner indicates some form of dissatisfaction with the relationship or the expectations unwittingly placed upon them, and when they do so, we panic. When our partner leaves, our fears kick in. When something goes wrong with our marriages, it is very easy for us to place the blame of the other person for having made us unhappy.
In order to save your marriage when you are the only one doing it, the key then is a paradigm shift, meaning, the key is to change your attitude and focus. Stop focusing on your partner - stop the blaming, stop the inaction.
Take a good look at yourself and what you can do in this moment. You can definitely NOT control your partner's feelings, attitude and reactions, but you can control your own. You can go from fearing abandonment to actually taking responsibility for yourself and your own happiness.
This is where the human truth about self-actualization comes in. Understand, adapt and internalize this for yourself. Learn it. It will spell the difference not just in your marriage but in YOU.
A whole human being is easy to love. A happy person attracts happiness. In starting with yourself, you can move from being an unhappy, clingy, difficult person to one who can provide an environment of safety, wisdom, trust and open communication. If each of you are able to self-sustain when it comes to taking responsibility for your own life happiness, you both have much less baggage and much more genuine love to bring into the relationship. Your motivation shifts from being one of fear to being one of real love.
Rather than beat yourself up in desperation, try these tips to start your own personal transformation and lead your marriage to success:
- Breathe
- Smile
- Let go
- Believe that reconnection is possible
- See a counselor for YOURSELF not just for your marriage
- Examine your part in contributing to the difficulties in your marriage
- Forgive yourself
- Change
- Look after your health, beauty and well-being
For all you know, your partner (and you) may just rediscover the person they first fell in love with and more. For all you know, this is the type of you that would allow your partner to come back and initiate communication. When that happens, you have every opportunity to sit down with him or her, discuss your motivations, plans and feelings. You can even get to the real issues surrounding your marital difficulties and actually begin taking positive steps to work them through.
In being open and mature, you can also provide an environment where love and intimacy can flourish once more. With all the confidence and sincerity you have gathered, take these steps. Plus one more. Even in your separation, conflict or difficulties, find it in you to continue loving your partner and showing him or her that you do. Through little, subtle acts, like preparing a snack for him or her or spending some quality TV time, you can rekindle love in your marriage. They don't have to be grand gestures, they just have to be sincere. And coming from the mature, new you, they will.
You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! You can't afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the BEST, PROVEN METHODS and information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results... guaranteed. You have to go to Secrets To Save Your Marriage
When I first stumbled across the new "Mend The Marriage" program, I thought it would be more or less the same as all the other similar products for sale on the internet. Boy, was I wrong. This is one seriously awesome program, and I'm confident that it will give anyone whose marriage is 'on the rocks' the best possible chance of turning things around and living happily ever after with their spouse.
First of all, "Mend the Marriage" is easily the most thorough and comprehensive guide I've seen (and I've bought them all). It leaves no stones unturned: you may think that your situation is unique, and that any book on the topic can't possibly address the issues you're facing. Well, with "Mend the Marriage", that's definitely not the case! The program covers every possible scenario and "what if," meaning that by the time you've finished reading the program, your questions are almost certain to have been answered in depth.
Not only is it the most comprehensive program, it's also the only guide we're found that actually provides hundreds of real-world examples on how to apply the techniques. The chapter on how to handle arguments with your spouse, for example, has a bunch of incredibly effective and innovative techniques that will resolve conflicts quickly and without any lingering hard feelings... and the whole book is full of this kind of stuff. It's called the "Immediate Impact Actions" -- things you can do to make an immediate positive difference.
Perhaps most importantly, it's very clear that the psychological techniques recommended in "Mend the Marriage" have been researched and tested by men and women in the real world. The program also includes a number of "Ask the Counsellor" boxes where a certified couples counsellor weighs in on a variety of hot topics.
The program claims that almost all marriages can be salvaged, even if things seem hopeless right now... and while that may sound unreasonable at first, I actually tend to think it's being completely honest. It's no stretch to imagine that, anyone who reads and applies this techniques is almost guaranteed to see dramatic improvements in their marriage. The testimonials on the website are clear evidence that this program works, too.
What about the program itself? The core of the program is a 240 page e-book, professionally written & presented. There's also an audio version and an excellent 7-part video series, plus three bonus e-books and some handy team-building worksheets.
The best part? It's all available *instantly* from their website... there's no shipping fees and no waiting around for the mailman, because you can download the entire program within 2 minutes of ordering. That's great news, considering that when you're trying to stop divorce and win back your partner's love, time is of the essence!
If you're ready to get instant access to all the sneaky psychological tips and techniques, head over to the website and watch the free video presentation now. Trust me, you won't regret it... and it might just make the difference between "divorced and lonely" and "happily ever after". Wishing you all the best.
Click Here To Check Out The Video Presentation
0 Comments